The Heart And Mind Of A Soul

I'm not a priority.

2010-02-03T08:04:00.001+08:00

'nuff said. first post in a damn long time and it's damn emo. Fuck u all who read this and is now judging me.

Damn it.

2009-04-28T21:55:00.003+08:00

I don't wanna fall for someone that I don't wanna fall for. Kill me now !

Heartaches are not metaphores.

2008-11-26T16:40:00.001+08:00

I'm speechless. Love is not a fuel to my strength anymore.

Updates?

2008-11-09T14:20:00.002+08:00

Life. Is. So. Mundane. Right. Now.

But thankfully there was Halloween night tho ! got to perform with 2 bands. Square with 5 sides and A Spiral's End. Had a lot of fun that night but the preparations, preparations for 2 bands to perform on the same night... abit the taxing la. Some more 1 band is quite last minute. like, damn last minute that type. Don't have many pics tho, but the pics and vids for A Spiral's End are all uploaded in a dear friend's site, the vocalist/guitarist JOEL!

came back to Seremban for the weekend, played Diablo II with Jonzz and Warsurfer. haha. GO GO GO!

that's like, about all there is to my activities. physical activities. and as for things going through my head, I don't know. It feels worse than this fever/cough/cold combo I've been having all week. Remember telling a friend that we should always keep our heads up and move because someday things will go our way. But what I cannot understand is, does keeping our heads up mean the pain within is nulled? If it is so then I've been keeping my head up for absolutely nothing. If it means to live with the pain and still act like everything's alright,then maybe, I can do that.

I just wanna scream my lungs out. shit. it has become such an emo post. well, I only blog when I'm emo. So people with judging eyes that go "get a life" shut the fuck up and take a look in the mirror. External comments cannot hurt me nor do I give a damn what the world thinks of me.

*On a side note
Everyone's leaving. I have little time to feel like I still have friends. I appreciate every single one of u. take good care of yourselves.

Save me

2008-09-02T02:18:00.002+08:00

Father, save me from this despair. Are You allowing everything to happen to lead me to a helpless, endless road, letting me know that my ways are wrong and I should only rely on You? Is it love that You still have for me that You brought me down to my knees battered and broken, or is it that I've gone so far to have You forgotten me, yet am still brought down to my knees shattered and confused.

Save me I beg of You. Bring me out of this I plead You. Give me a place I can lay my head to rest and my chest to breathe. Even if it means taking my life away from this hell that we have created for ourselves. I'm not your best child and I'm nowhere near. I'm a weakling and am here because I have nowhere else to go, not because I actually choose You over every other choice. For that I do not deserve You, that I know yet I do not want to accept.

Is it true that You never forsake Your people and You will come to save me, or have You forgotten me and left me to drown in my sorrows? Have You let me go my own way only for me to find that I lead myself to my very own destruction?

Or will You, tonight, save me.

DROP DEAD ALREADY

2008-07-07T21:50:00.000+08:00

WHY THE HECK ARE YOU STILL ALIVE!???? DIE ALREADY PLEASE !

RANT

2008-06-19T11:34:00.003+08:00

Seriously, why have I stooped down so damn low that I need to stand this. What happened to the "fuck this" Andrew? Putting on a smile for all to see and having the heart to see everyone's storms.
What about my storms?
I HAVE A FUCKING HEART TOO.
And in case you didn't notice it has e-m-o-t-i-o-n-s.

And I know when everyone does it to me, it is not the problem of the world, i am not blaming ANYONE. I know that when it always happens to me, the problem is from ME. Maybe I should just turn heartless, cold, and stuck-up. Then maybe someone would go
"Andrew, are you alright?",
then I can go
"take a hike, damn it"

But, it's just like human beings to think that we ourselves suffer the most and we shun away every other person that might be going through something worse.
Aren't we ALL selfish? :)

So here's the selfish part of me
"WHY THE HELL DO I NEED TO GO THROUGH THIS EVERY SINGLE TIME? CANT I JUST BLOODY LEAD A NORMAL LIFE? WHY SUFFER ALL THESE EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL?"

But the sensible me goes
"Because there is love, and commitment."

Have a nice day.

Have I?

2008-05-28T18:09:00.002+08:00

Have I asked for anything in return?
In all my sacrifices have I asked for anything?
Even in my darkest hour
I still do all i can within my power.

But I guess it wasn't enough
Of all luck I've gotten it tough
"You don't have it worst off" you say
Shut the fuck up I pray.

Am I too evil a person to deserve this
Am I fated to fade into the abyss
Have I lost what little of hope I have left
That what I've lost I feel I'm losing you too

But I guess it wasn't enough
Of all luck I've gotten it tough
What have I ever done?
Please,end this now with a gun.

I hate it

2008-05-16T04:50:00.002+08:00

And I hate how I always give in unwillingly.

Don't. Take. Me. For. Granted.

I'm standing on my own two feet and I'm staring at you in the eye
and telling you that I will NOT let you go without revenge.

And I dare you say the same to me some years down the line, where
you beg at my knees for mercy and your eyes plea in desperation

And as you burn in hell I hope you feel the fire incinerate your every cell
And feel every pain in your bloody throat as you cry evaporated tears for water

And I wish you would die.
Maybe not so soon, it'll be inconvenient. My exams you dumbfuck, don't even
Think that I might need you now. So die after it. More reasons to celebrate.

Burn in hell mother fucker.

Oh right I'm only joking! Haha damn funny! Now burn.

My one last breath

2008-05-09T15:26:00.002+08:00

Standing high above the ground
Seeing everything moving around
All the way down;

Tilting my head to look above
I see your look of love
Flew like a dove;

Tears roll down my face
As I'm losing my race
And lose my pace;

'Just a little more,' I heard
'Just stand a little more of hurt'
'That's the last of your blood'

And when it's all over
When everything just goes slower,

My last breath I'll breathe unto you
My last breath how I wish it untrue
Breathing the last words of 'I love you'

My one last breath

Will be here

2008-04-18T00:08:00.002+08:00

And when all else fail I will be here
When life seem to be all a blur
When all you know turns a stranger
When all you trust seem to just go further

And when all around you seem to lash out at you
When it seem like there's no other way to go
When all you believed have now gone untrue
When you realize life is worse than you know
I will be here.

And even if you go
I want you to know
That I love you so

Wahlau. TAGGED AGAIN!

2008-04-16T23:59:00.002+08:00

Tagged again by the 'oh-so-thoughtful' Wendee. Grr. But it's a tag that i tagged her to do so with the same tag she is tagging me therefore i have to do this tag because she tagged me through the tag that i tagged her with. Hmm.

So, I'm NOT going to do it. Hoho. Hoho. Hoho. See. I don't mind repeating whatever I say but just not the tag. It's just too long and time consuming, though I have some to kill now but that's not the point. :D

Therefore, tagged by Wendee. Have already done it, refer to post below. below.below.below.

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Haha.

THANKS YOU'RE A BIG HELP

2008-04-13T16:36:00.003+08:00

sarcasm ensues.

Tagged!

2008-04-13T00:59:00.002+08:00

Someone evil just tagged me. Wendee.

1) What is the most important thing in your life?
Me.

2) Will you consider a sexual relationship before marriage?
Hmm... Tough question.

3) Do you smoke?
Yes? No? Occasionally? maybe?

4) What is the latest gadget that you own?
My bass Russian Big Muffler. Which was bought like, last year

5) Who did you mostly text yesterday?
No one at all.

6) How old are you & are you a virgin?
I'm 19 this year and that's too tough a question to answer.

7) What is the last thing that you bought with your own money?
No idea. All I own belongs to my parents.

8) Chocolate Oreos or Vanilla?
There's Vanilla Oreos? Or is it just the filling? If filling only then Vanilla :D

9) Where do you wish to get married?
Uhh, not online I suppose

10) How old do you think you will be permanently owned by your love?
27. Sudah set. hahaha.

11) How many kids do you want?
No idea. Depends on my financial capability :D

12) Are you in love?
Yes.

13) Where was the last restaurant you had dinner?
Few hours ago in Hoong Zong. (chinese name la dono how to write in English characters)

14) Name the lastest book that you bought?
Holy cow I have to dig deep into my memories...uhhhhh C.S. Lewis' Prelandra!

15) What is your full name?
Walau ask at question 15 one? no sincerity. no name.

16) Do you prefer your mother or father?
Neither.

17) Do you believe in GOD?
Yeah. Why every tag oso got this questioN!?

18) Name a person that you really wish to meet in real life for the first time.
Jesus.

19) Christina or Britney?
Christina, if i have to choose.

20) Do you do your own laundry?
Sometimes

21) The most exciting place you want to go?
Go because it's exciting or exciting because I've always wanted to go? When unsure, choose JAPAN! :)

22) Hugs or kisses?
both. WHY this question again? other tag also got. Zzz.

23) Single or attached?
Confused. Is that single or attached?

24) Point out 5 things about the person who tagged you.
Person who tagged me: Wendee
1. Met in YLDP
2. REALLY QUIET. When you don't know her la.
3. She doesn't believe people remember her after a one-time-meeting
4. Crazy, both mentally and ... physically? err.
5. Has a good sense of humour :)

And you tagged:
AMANDA!!! huahuahua. [due to ur special request of "please dont tag me", you're tagged :) ]

Revelation

2008-04-12T21:39:00.002+08:00

To have your family's ugliness revealed. You're fucking lucky I don't keep grudges.

Saw a fellow friend's personal message "Love is not for everyone"

how true that.

How the middle English-men believed fortune is like a wheel, and there is someone up there turning that wheel. Mine seem to have turned to the bottom, and they've run out of grease.

And all in all,

this sucks.

Un-titled

2008-04-11T10:20:00.003+08:00

Hate me, detest me, reject me;

And I'll come back and spit on your face one day.

For you to think I need you now you're wrong
For you to think I will need you you're wrong

I can fucking stand on my own.

Tagged again.

2008-04-04T20:13:00.003+08:00

Was tagged by Babishua *cough cough* Abishua

Real name: Andrew Ong Hock Jue
Nickname: DuZhai, DuZ, Dudu, DuDuSeXxy, Andy-kins =_=
Married: No!
Male/Female: Male
High school: SMKBM
College: Taylors College SJ
Short or long hair: short
Are u a healthy freak: depends. Yes when convenient
Height: 174
Do u have a crush on someone?: -?
Do u like yourself: yep
Piercings: Left earlobe
Righty of lefty: righty

First....

Surgery: Cutting of umbilical cord when i was born
Piercing: Left ear la~
Person u see in the morning: Sad to say, parents. =_=
Award: Can't remember.
Sport u join: Basketball, ages ago.
Pet: Yes, I OWN ALL OF YOU!
Vacation: neverneverland
Concert: My own ones. haha
First crush: Tell u oso u dono, wanna show u oso too far.

Currently...

Eating: nothing
Drinking: my own saliva
I'm about to: Play my new FREE ps2!

Your future...

Want kids: yeaaa
Want to get married: Of course!
Careers in mind: A grave digger in heaven. No one dies so no work! XD

Which is better?

Lips or eyes?: lips and eyes
Hugs or kisses: hugs and kisses
Shorter or taller?: who?
Romantic or spontaneous: dua dua pun. xD
Sensitive or loud: depends on situation
Troublemaker or hesitant?: both xD

Have u ever....

Kissed a stranger?: guess not
Drank bubbles: How the heck do you drink bubbles?
Lost glasses/contacts: no
Ran away from home: Nopes.
Liked someone younger: yup
Liked someone older: yup
Broke someone's heart: Think so.
Been arrested: hehe.
Cried when someone died: yeah.

Do u believe in...

Yourself: yes.
Miracles: yes.
Heaven: yes.
Santa Claus: Reluctantly yes.
Magic: no
Angels: yes

Answer truthfully..

Is there someone u want to be with right now?: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. :(

Do u believe in God? Yes..

Stupid abi never tell me he tag me one. I'm not tagging anyone do it if u like :D

Bass Fighter 2008! The Video Game

2008-04-03T20:33:00.003+08:00

And so it is...

The up and coming, game of the year.

BASS FIGHTER 2008!

Yes! It will beat all KoF series, ALL STREET FIGHTER SERIES, All the other games etc etc!

And a little preview

GET IT AT YOUR NEAREST STORE NOW! FOR ONLY $19.99!*

*terms and conditions apply

How did we derive to doing this?
BY MSN OF COURSE!

DuZhai>www.everflowingsoul.blogspot.com says:
u knw if u combine both our dp
DuZhai>www.everflowingsoul.blogspot.com says:
it will look like those
DuZhai>www.everflowingsoul.blogspot.com says:
street fighter scene before the fight
DuZhai>www.everflowingsoul.blogspot.com says:
ABISHUA VS ANDREW
DuZhai>www.everflowingsoul.blogspot.com says:
then got our 2 pic there
a : says:
hahahhha
DuZhai>www.everflowingsoul.blogspot.com says:
hahahahah
a : says:
lawllll
a : says:
yahor
a : says:
u put in ur blog
DuZhai>www.everflowingsoul.blogspot.com says:
hahahahahah
a : says:
abi vs duzhai
a : says:
LOL
DuZhai>www.everflowingsoul.blogspot.com says:
tmrw send
DuZhai>www.everflowingsoul.blogspot.com says:
LOL
a : says:
hahaha
DuZhai>www.everflowingsoul.blogspot.com says:
then i go edit
a : says:
in my friendster
a : says:
got
DuZhai>www.everflowingsoul.blogspot.com says:
ah
a : says:
faster if u save image from ther
DuZhai>www.everflowingsoul.blogspot.com says:
ok
DuZhai>www.everflowingsoul.blogspot.com says:
can
a : says:
haha
DuZhai>www.everflowingsoul.blogspot.com says:
i need to save this conversation too

Haha.

Tagged! =.=!!

2008-03-26T16:48:00.002+08:00

List out 5 presents you wish for
1: A sandberg California JM (5) bass guitar!
2: PS 3!
3: An i-pod!
4: Enough money to last a lifetime!
5: Peace and harmony for planet earth! (lol. just another handphone would do thanks)

The person who tagged me:
Sharon

First 5 impressions on her/him
1:quiet
2:emo
3:smart
4:has a lot to say just doesn't say them
5: easily pissed!

The most memorable thing he/she has done/given to you:
Being my closest friend and supporting me in every single way

If s/he becomes your lover you two will:
have no idea what will happen next

If s/he becomes your enemy, the reason will be because:
She competes with me for oxygen (which will never happen :))

The 5 people you tag:
1:Abishua
2:Jonzz
3:Wendee
4:Joanne
5:You. Yes, you.

The 5 people I want to mess with~
1:Abishua
2:Sharon
3:Joanne
4:Jonzz
5:You.

Who is 3 having a relationship with?
No damn idea~

Who is 5 having a relationship with?
You tell me.

What about 4 and 5?
Hell yeah.

What is 3 studying?
Graduate dy~

When was the last time you chatted with 5?
Don't think i can answer that

Would you be with 1?
Hell no wtf.

How about 5?
See ur face 1st.

Does 2 have any siblings?
Yeah.

How did you get to know 2 and 4?
2:college 4: Church

Where does 1 live?
Many places.

Is 3 the sexiest person in the world?
Not the sexiest. doesnt mean not sexy :D

A cure for loneliness

2008-03-26T00:39:00.001+08:00

What, expected to find the answer here? Sorry. I'm looking for it too.

Untitled

2008-03-24T00:25:00.006+08:00

And as he walked into the pitch black darkness, he felt chills run down his spine. *click* he turned on his torch-light and there he saw it. A creature ever so beautiful and graceful. The creature opened it's eyes and glared at him, echoing the words
"What do you truly desire, young one?" as if she(yes, female) had his mind in hers.

The boy held on to his torch-light, gripping ever so tightly, as if making a tough conscious effort to hold back his tears, said "I want to know what I truly desire!"

With a sinister grin on her face she said
"What you truly desire, young boy, is joy."

"Joy? Is that what my heart truly desires? How will I get to obtain it, just to see it if not feel it"

"The answers you seek are not with me. But I will tell you one thing, you poor young and raw one. You will never live to see your own joy. For it is what is impossible for you to obtain that you truly desire it. Seek not joy for you will be destroyed, not by the forces of nature or divine, but yourself. Leave this place and do not venture back in here again for you'll find sufferings and past cuts you'll never want to explore. Turn your back and live ahead for it is what the world wants you to do."

"But what about what I want..."

"Alas, no one will ever ask you that."

The boy left.

Alas, the creature was talking to no other boy. She was talking to me.

Speed test!

2008-02-29T21:29:00.001+08:00

Was kinda bored~ Saw a number of people who did this test so I tried out too!
So you should try too!!

89 words

Speedtest

HAH! Is that fast? I don't know.

Of funny stories created and a insert bad word driver

2008-02-27T16:24:00.006+08:00

Things seemed like they were getting better last night, spent RM7 washing my car. Then this morning before I left the house I went to the apartment parking lot and went "woo...they did a good job!" So things seemed better than yesterday! And as the thought of the day being too good to be true was lingering at the back of my mind, i shoved it away (Wth I'm driving la sure la) then there was this *insert more bad words* driver who cut across my lane really fast, SPLASHING all the water from the ground onto my car. Now my car has 'dried-dirty-rain-water-spots' all over the side. *insert more and more bad words* driver.

Other than that, MORE things from literature class! We just learned how to analyze a story by dividing the plot (Exposition, Complication, Climax, Resolution) and our task was to create a story, with one of the 4 parts already given to us. 4 stories, to be exact. So my partner was Sharon! (yes Sharon is also as crazy as I am) so here is how it goes.

EXPOSITION
Boy meets girl, Boy is a player, Girl gets jealous.

COMPLICATION (This part was already given to us)
'She could not believe her eyes. In spite of everything that he had promised her, there he was, with another girl, laughing and joking . . . all those things her friends had told her seemed to be coming true . . . She turned away.'

CLIMAX
She grabs the hair-dryer and throws it at his head as hard as she can and says 'Didya think I'd just walk away?'
He pursues her, holds her in his arms . . . and says . . .

Resolution
'She's my cousin.'

They kiss and make up.
-end-

Then there is also the SPY STORY

EXPOSITION
There it was, the jewel encrusted pencil-box, oh so pretty.

COMPLICATION
But guarding this extremely precious item, was *Insert cutest name you can think of here*! A fluffy toy poodle. At first glance it appeared to be harmless, but at the sight of any intruder, it would turn VICIOUS!

CLIMAX(Given to us)
'Despite all those years of training, she had allowed herself to become trapped. The night patrol was coming ever closer and would soon search this room. The only window looked out upon a 40-foot drop . . .'

RESOLUTION
Good thing she was prepared! She had a parachute and confidently took the leap. As she reached to pull the cord, she realizes that her parachute was unnaturally PINK and GLITTERY. She had brought her sister's SCHOOLBAG!
-end-

Then there's the SURVIVAL STORY

EXPOSITION(Given to us)
In attempting a round-the-world, single-handed yacht race, you hit a reef and are stranded on a mid-ocean where there seems to be no sign of life . . .

COMPLICATION
And as I look across the sea, some nearby mountains, and there, appears KING KONG THE GIANT GORILLA!

CLIMAX
I made my break but KING KONG was too fast for me! ALAS! I WAS CAPTURED!

RESOLUTION
But SUPERWOMAN arrives just in time to save the day! Good 'ol me got away with just a broken foot and a deranged mind.
-end-

Of the kid I met

2008-02-26T17:02:00.002+08:00

Was feeling like shit. Drove out of my house and stopped somewhere far and remote.

Stepped out of my car and just chilled. (k k it was under the hot sun. you get the point.)

Met this kid, some 10/11 years old?
We spoke in BM but yeah this is how it went

Me : Hi, is everything alright? (Yes he looked kinda down).
Kid : Who are you?
Me : Don't worry I won't do anything. (with a smile on my face) Why do you look so sad?
Kid : (Inserts complains about how poor family is)
Me : Does your family love you?
Kid : Very much, I guess
Me : Then you shouldn't be so sad.
(Reaches for my wallet and gives him everything I had in there) and said
If money is what makes you happy then take all of this. (Wrote my number on a piece of paper and asked him to pass it to his mum so they will know he didn't steal the money)

Then I drove off.

No I'm not making this up. Have a love-filled day, everyone.

Never expect, fool.

2008-02-14T15:11:00.001+08:00

So don't expect me to be.

A post about what I'm studying!

2008-02-13T19:27:00.006+08:00

Holy COW!

I'm actually posting about something from my class, ABOUT WHAT I'M STUDYING!! Well, here goes. This is so far, my most favoured SHORT STORY! Yes when I mean short, I mean SHORT!

Really

"The Appointment in Samarra"

There was a merchant in Baghdad who sent his servant to market to buy provisions and in a little while the servant came back, white and trembling, and said, "Master, just now when I was in the marketplace I was jostled by a woman in the crowd and when I turned I saw it was Death that jostled me. She looked at me and made a threatening gesture, now, lend me your horse, and I will ride away from this city and avoid my fate. I will go to Samarra and there Death will not find me." The merchant lent him his horse, and the servant mounted it, and he dug his spurs in its flanks and as fast as the horse could gallop he went. Then the merchant went down to the marketplace and he saw me standing in the crowd and he came to me and said, "Why did you make a threating gesture to my servant when you saw him this morning?" "That was not a threatening gesture," I said, "it was only a start of surprise. I was astonished to see him in Baghdad, for I had an appointment with him tonight in Samarra."

Written by W. Somerset Maugham. (1933)

Short. Concise. Beautiful.

And on a side note:
I thank all of my friends whom I spent Chinese New Year with this year. I hope it can be spent with you guys every year. You guys were great. Happy Chinese New Year to you all. AND EVERYONE WHO READS THIS BLOG!

Ta!

Christmas and a new year!

2007-12-28T00:33:00.000+08:00

Well I guess it's been a good long year. Despite all of its pains and disappointments, there are also meaningful times =) I guess this is where we start looking ahead and seriously, do take some time to look back, you'll never know what you missed.

Congratulations to those who achieved your goals! And to those who haven't, try and try again.

Stay strong people :)

*on a side note

Let me say what a blog is to me (in case some 'people' just don't get it!) It's a place I let OUT. No one is pointing a knife down your throat and telling you to read my blog or else you'll get slit. If people don't like what I write, I don't care. I come out of myself every once in a while and get all... what most people would call 'emo'. And to stop myself from being too indulged, I let OUT. but so happens that it's here. So here's a friendly reminder, if you don't like it, you're welcome to FUCK OFF!

Thank you =)

I wasn't there

2007-12-14T02:58:00.000+08:00

As I see your smile and hear your laughter,
And how you brighten people's lives,
Yet I wasn't there

And how your presence seem so real
How the voice of yours supposedly soothing
Yet I wasn't there.

I wasn't there, I wasn't there.

So here's a big F*CK you.

I'm worth much more than that.

And how your hands lied to me.

So keep your bulls*it to yourself. You smell just like it.

Don't apologize because there's nothing to forgive for in the 1st place. Why? Simple.

You're not worth it.

YLDP-07

2007-12-11T19:28:00.000+08:00

Woot. Just got back from YLDP (Young Leaders' Development Program) camp in PINES RESORT, FRASER'S HILL (Damn right it's cold up there. So cold that when I came back down to 'earth' nothing else felt cold anymore)

Well.... IT WAS HELL LOTTA FUN! So I just wanna say thank you to everyone who went, campers and facilitators. You guys brought the best out of the beginning of my holidays! No way it could've started out any better!
And also Pines Resorts' staffs for that fluctuating degree of nice-ness of food! I have yet to get the pictures from a friend so I will post it up as soon as I get 'em! or as soon as I feel like it, you wont know the difference =)

Anyway, met quite a few new people here and there, but I know most of them who went anyway. And we were separated from the younger ones who were left at Kuala Kubu Bharu (LOL).

Well, pictures will be up soon!

*On a side note, What is sin?
Sin is like shit. No matter how many times you cleanse it, it will always be there again. But that does not rule out the importance of cleansing it. -DuZhai

*and on another side note.

If holding hands meant you're never going to let go. Then hold on. I'll be here.

Of a super long hiatus and a super emo post.

2007-12-03T20:56:00.001+08:00

I sit here with you in my heart and a thousand words in my head. Words I wish to say to you yet I wish not to at the same time. And even though I know life is too short to be lived like this yet it is through living like this that I can truly see myself.

And you.

Oh and how I would watch you in your sleep
How I would sing a lullaby to soothe your soul
How I would play the guitar for you though I don't know how to
How I would stroke your hair and whisper in your ear the words the world would never say

Oh but how I wouldn't kiss your forehead just so my tear wouldn't fall and wake you
How I wouldn't turn my back on you in case you're never there when I turn back

And even though I cannot walk with you every single time
But whenever I can, I'll even carry you

And how I say I love you though you won't hear me.
How I'll never stop saying it
How I'll never stop meaning it

I love you.

With all that I am and can.

Of a stone and a broken tooth

2007-06-26T12:24:00.000+08:00

It all started well having a nice dinner with Jonzz and another friend of mine, Shaun. Supposed to "celebrate" my birthday as I had exams on the actual day.

So...

We were having rice together with a few dishes, 1st dish was the "fatt put", A piece-a yam surrounding little pieces of chicken making it look like a round prison with the pieces of chicken as prisoners. The 2nd dish we had was "titt pann taufu" in direct translation -metal board tauhu".
Then came the cibai dish, called the "kangkung belacan". In other words water spinach stir fried with prawn paste. Now this dish, right, is supposedly awesome(Because I love belacan/prawn paste). But I guess to fulfill a desire, sacrifices must be made as well.

THERE WAS A BLOODY STONE IN THE DISH! (Don't mind the black and white colour there, those are just my fingers pointing at the stone)

So I had to call my MUM... Ask her if I should go see a dentist, cause a small small piece chipped off from my tooth. Damn it. According to Jonzz, if i bite something at the right angle, the whole tooth MIGHT shatter. So he heard-lah.

So... now we can relate the stone to my tooth, yay! I'm so gonna hate "The Thing", of the Fantastic Four, now. Bet he'll chip more than just a tooth outta me.

Then we decided to take the picture (above). As Jonzz was struggling to get a nice picture of it he made a funny comment, "Why the stone so small one?" I bet you readers are thinking that too. Oh wait, more like "oh come on it's just a small lil stone."

Yeah... It IS just a small little stone. If it was big i wouldn't have bitten it now would I? :)

Cheers. (no I did not keep the stone)

Back in Action!

2007-06-25T12:01:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone (not like there'll be anyone here after I went idle for so long)

DuZhai is finally back!!!

(Applauses)

Possible FAQs to DuZhai!

Question : What made you come back?
Answer : Damn boring leh holidays.

Question : So you're going to continue blogging now?
Answer : Hopefully the continuance is long.

Question : Is it okay if I ask you a question?
Answer : Isn't that a question?

Question : So how frequently are you going to be updating your blog?
Answer : I can't set an exact time. But probably once in 2 or 3 days, but if I feel like it It'll be more frequent, depending on how many stuff I have to blog about.

Question: ...
Answer : AHHH ENOUGH!!!

Sigh...

2006-12-26T23:55:00.000+08:00

Sorry to those who reads my blog, lately it's been tough. Like my profile says of me... I'm just a teenager going through a "looking-back-then-I-was-kinda-foolish" phase, and this is the phase where I would look at in the future with a laugh, maybe, or a phase where it would change my life forever. Hey I don't know alright, I'm just a kid.

But then again if I look at it now, I wouldn't have been sitting here blogging this if this particular event didn't happen. (No I'm only trying to console myself damn it.) For every human (at least for myself) twists truth in a way to comfort oneself, or at least to one's own convenience.

I used to think that to have had hope is better than to have never hoped at all. I beg to differ myself.

For a man's heart is fragile, and it changes. -DuZhai Andrew-

Christmas Eve...

2006-12-24T23:30:00.000+08:00

Silent night... Christmas has lost its effect on me this year... usually at this time of the year I would be out, having fun with friends, hanging out in church, caroling in people's homes, spreading the joy everywhere.

As these activities were not planned this year, I begin to wonder... Is there someone out there who would spread the joy to me? Certainly sitting here isn't much of a Christmas to me...

Certainly hope I would have something to expect from this Christmas...

*Author's note : Am NOT asking for pity/attention.

Sacrifices

2006-12-23T23:31:00.000+08:00

Tonight my sacrifices are deemed worthless. Hurt beyond words and thrown into a fire pit by a trusted someone. ta

DuZhai = dog?

2006-12-04T16:40:00.000+08:00

You Are: 70% Dog, 30% Cat

You and dogs definitely have a lot in common.
You're both goofy, happy, and content with the small things in life.
However, you're definitely not as needy as the average dog. You need your down time occasionally.

Are You More Cat or Dog?

Haha got this off my good buddy Jonzz LOL! try it!

FWEEEEEEEEE DUMBBBBBBBBBBB!!!!!

2006-12-04T16:30:00.000+08:00

After the long await here it comes.

FWEEEEEDUMBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB

DUZHAI'S BACK IN DA HOUSE PEOPLE!

Break.

2006-11-11T10:46:00.000+08:00

I will be taking a month-long break due to examinations...

Till then. take care people

DUZHAI???? DUZHAI?????????????? DUZHAI DUZHAI???

2006-10-29T11:40:00.000+08:00

Okay!!!! Jonzz asked me to do this in order to enjoy watching everyone who reads my blog suffer...(muahaha)

Can anyone guess what DuZhai means? No it is not as poohbearee said in the last post's comment, no it's not Do-Chai... that's wrong Lol sorry poohbearee.

If anyone can guess it I'll grant one of the most embarassing photos of myself and post it here for 3 days and then remove it.

(woe to those whom already know as a result of my telling and tries to answer it. I know who I told what it means to.)

Have funnnn~ u can answer in the comments, yes. or even in the C-Box.

Cheers~

Writer's edit(again):
Alright people, since no one guessed the right answer I shall reveal it to you all. It's quite simple,actually. For me I live and school in a very chinese speaking area, therefore the English language is quite a hard language for them to really grasp, and there goes my name. If you know chinese you'd be able to follow. Andrew> Andu> AnDu>Du!
And the next part is as poohbearee said: Zhai = Chai = GUY in chinese. I decided to use Z instead of a C because a Z would make it sound nicer I.M.O. There you go. If you're not satisfied....well.... I can't do anything about it :P

Of games, addictions, and a new life

2006-10-26T21:31:00.000+08:00

Games has been a really really big part of my life... ESPECIALLY online games
Where the gaming takes on a whole new level of competitive-ness and winning becomes the main objective thus causing an addiction to the game.(I don't know how others might see their own addiction but this is how i see mine). I. Can't. Lose. In. An. Online. Game. That's the bottom line and therefore causing a sinful desire of playing the game over and over and over and over... again just to get better at it so that i can win(pawn) other players.

That's the fun part. The not so fun part, when I play RPG games like RAN Online, Ragnarok, Last Chaos, where the more I play the stronger I get, it's really really just a tiresome process of "leveling up"... And last I read in the papers that there are certain gaming companies that hire young people, preferrably in their twenties to PLAY for them. They are paid maybe a few bucks per a million gold gotten in the game or something. These. young. people. play. non. stop.

Therefore I've been thinking, what's the point of it actually, when I play an online game, I use false IDs... Even if i played like gawd NO ONE's gonna know it's me unless I tell them and how many people can I tell to?

So there forms a new man in me. A new man that lives by one phrase, and one phrase alone. And that phrase is...

"It's not about winning, it's about making the others lose."
-DuZhai Andrew.

WAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA
(whoever said the new man had a change huh)

What would I have done? Or do?

2006-10-18T17:13:00.000+08:00

Inevitable that one must live in the consequences of others' doings, may it be for the better or for worse purpose, it is, inevitable. Such as a bus who ran late and wastes half an hour of 48 passenger's life, that's 24 hours! And it's all because of a single soul that would either have slept a little too long, or just a plain stomach ache. Whatever the reasons are, we live in a world where our surroundings affects us gravely.

One night I was lying on my bed, turned off the lights, hoping for some shut-eye. I couldn't sleep, I was just rolling around my bed and then it hit me, the time I am actually wasting, just lying on my bed trying to do something that just cannot be done. I thought to myself I should do something more productive, something that would either benefit me, if not, benefit those who are close to me. Then as I pondered onwards, I then realised all that was said above, about others' doings affecting us gravely...

I asked myself, 'what, can I do?' I suffer from lack of self confidence, yes this I admit, for those of my 'gamer' friends, you would probably be really shocked if you read this. Yes I do suffer from lack of self confidence. Yet gaming is the only way where I can forget that part of myself and move forward, and stumble back again and again after every 'gaming session'. Not everyone plays games for the sake of it being fun.(Though, yes, it does contribute, hee hee)

As I pondered onwards more and more, I asked myself, 'If God were to grant me my time back, what would I do?'. Would I use them wisely and create a better version of myself, or would I do the same as I had done in those times, knowing that what little i did in a minute of my life, what little decision I have made before, contributes to the being I am today?

I can't say I made a decision that night, but due to the lack of sleep I have been getting very much of lately, the obvious decision that night was, 'I'd better sleep'. Yet at the back of my mind, till now, I ponder, on what has been happening in my life, would I or would I not conclude with regret I do not know. Yet I know, I must press on. Much more life ahead.

Cheers =)

Foury Fours

2006-10-11T16:35:00.000+08:00

I tagged myself with Joanne's blog. XD
(hope u dont mind ya? =) )

The Fours

Four things not many people know about me:

I have a pink shirt
I have stomach upsets almost every morning
I have very short fingers
I've got back pimples (shhh)

Four movies I could watch over and over:

Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back.
Kung Fu Hustle
Full Metal Alchemist The Movie (1st)
A Walk to Remember

Four places I've lived:

Home,Malaysia
SMK Bukit Mewah
Invalid
Invalid (hehe sorry)

Four TV shows I love(d) to watch:

Friends
Angel
Naruto (anime)
Bleach (anime)

Four places I've been on vacation:

Singapore
Pulau Langkawi
Cameron Highlands
Genting Highlands

Four of my favourite foods:

Spaghetti, home made style
Maggie Mee
Fish and Chips
KFC's Cheesy BBQ Meltz (omg wonderlicious)

Four places I would rather be:

In Subang Jaya
In a time-machine teleporting to 2 months ahead.(That'd be right after SPM)
In bed. (having a headache)
In a dark and empty dungeon

Four favourite songs:

Stained Glass Masquerade by Casting Crowns
Patrik Och Lillen by Basshunter (Swedish)
Tui Hou by Jay Chow (Chinese)
Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough by Patti Smith

Four people I tag:

Jonzz
Warsurfer
Anyone on Jonzz' list
Anyone on Warsurfer's list

Have fun =D

IQ Test.

2006-10-11T00:47:00.000+08:00

Got this from my dear friend Joanne's blog

Your IQ Is 100

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average

Your Verbal Intelligence is Above Average

Your Mathematical Intelligence is Above Average

Your General Knowledge is Above Average

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Interesting,no?

Of Predictable Reactions...

2006-10-10T21:51:00.002+08:00

I find it funny how some people always have the same ol' reaction to every situation.

From someone who sighs to someone who exclaims 'h*ly sh*t' at every situation...

Some are hilarious,some not.

Some are irritating,some not.

Some are normal,some definitely not.

One of my greatest experience in witnessing such a person, has to definitely come from home.

My dad.

He gives the same ol' expression... to whatever I say to him. Sure he thinks that I think he's mad at me when he does it. But deeeeeep inside, I find it rather hilarious. He gives that same old "HUH? WHY?????" with a shout-like tone and a higher pitched note at the end of 'why'. He says that everytime I let him know something.

Example.....

Dad, I have no tuition tonight... *HUH? WHY??????*
Dad, I'm not going to school tomorrow... *HUH? WHY??????*
Dad, I'm not coming home for dinner tonight... *HUH? WHY??????*
Dad, Tomorrow's a holiday... *HUH? WHY??????*
Dad, I might be home late tonight... *HUH? WHY??????*

Heh... He tries to make his face serious too. But somehow it does not work on me because his reactions are soooooooo predictable.

Imagine if i told him i blogged about this.

Heh.

Ugh...Treasure turned ugly

2006-10-09T17:27:00.000+08:00

Ever felt like you were opening a treasure box at any point of your life?
Ever felt like you were looking forward to something so good?

Yes...I've had moments like that...

In fact...I just had it 5 minutes ago...

Ever felt like you were opening a treasure box at any point of your life and the treasure doesnt quite turn out the way you liked or wanted it?
Ever felt like you were looking forward to something so good and that particular thing turns out to just disgust you so much you'd puke?

Yes...I've had moments like that...

In fact...I just had it 5 minutes ago...

With wide opened eyes I peered into the box...
*WHAT THE H***?
MY CHICKEN RICE? WHY NOT COOKED PROPERLY???? STILL GOT BLOOD WAN!?!?!?!?

Ugh...Treasure turned ugly...

Disgusting, no?

Cant believe I was actually gonna put that into my mouth. I mean...yucks

If only...

2006-10-08T23:47:00.000+08:00

If only time stops for just a second...
If only the past does not catch up...
If only the mind does not twist...

If only life was just another minute longer...
If only there were chances of correcting the past...
If only the world went the way we wanted it to...

If only I had a car which I could drive...
If only the restaurants are open...
If only my mother would be awake and drive me...

I would have a cheeseburger.
Cheers. XD

My Deadly Sins?

2006-10-08T10:51:00.000+08:00

Your Deadly Sins

Sloth: 60%

Envy: 40%

Wrath: 40%

Gluttony: 20%

Lust: 20%

Pride: 20%

Greed: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 29%

You will get bugs, because you're too lazy to shoo them off. And then you'll die.

How Sinful Are You?

Just some test I took. I have a 29% chance of going to hell...hm, interesting.

Festival where the moon turns to cake.

2006-10-08T00:44:00.000+08:00

Left for Klang yesterday afternoon(6th Oct 2006) to celebrate mooncake festival.

Upon arrival I was somewhat a little teeny weeny bit excited to see my cousins again.
Then realised one of my "best-friend cousin" ain't coming so I was sitting there, 4 p.m., staring into the white ceiling wishing it'd fall just so that something interesting would happen. As I sat there, beside my father who was talking with my uncle sitting opposite of him, I smelt a strong stench.
No it was not my father nor my uncle's fart. No certainly not my own.

My father and my uncle were bombarding each other with how successful their business is and is still going to get. Along with that came much bullshit thrown at each other and the victim of these bullshit is me. Yes that's the stench.

7 p.m.
Oh great I finally got off my seat and proceeded to the dining hall with, yes, the bullshitters, and other family members. Had a good meal. Woot and just when I thought the dinner was fantastic with not much strong stench flown across the room, came the desserts. My uncle brought in chopped pineapples and a few toothpicks(it's for poking the pineapples).

Here comes the strongest bullcrap you'll ever smell your entire life.

Aunt : Andrew, go grab a piece for me please.
Me : Alright (seemed harmless enough to do so)
Upon poking the pineapple and passing it on to her my uncle bursts into laughter.
Uncle : Hey that's the sour part of the pineapple. Andrew, Andrew, with skills like that, how you gonna get a girlfriend ha?
Aunt : *HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA*
Me : *stays silent*
Uncle : You see, this is the part that's sweet. Next time you choose the sour sour one for your date, gone case-lah don't have to get a girlfriend already. You see, this is how you choose, now you look at "ah kum mou's" face? you choose the sour or sweet one, can see the result by the face the lady shows
Aunt : *Makes a constipated look of satisfaction*
Me : *still silent*
Uncle : I think you must go for lessons, if not how to get a girlfriend?????
Me : *stays silent for a little while more*
Aunt : HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA
(somehow my aunt was the emoticon for the whole conversation)

I just walked out with an "excuse me".

Somehow at the back of my mind, I wonder. If mere pineapples can get my way to a lady's heart. *sheesh* I wonder where diamonds would get me, then.*

*note- NOT saying girls are materialistic. Just flowing with the way of the situation is headed.